Nice guys finish last

"Nice guys finish last."

Somebody told me that once a long time ago (maybe it was Kevin Arnold on "Wonder Years," I'm not certain).

If it's true, I must be one of the nicest darn guys you'll ever meet.

My fantasy baseball team's in last place.

Dead last.

It's an unenviable position - especially when it's a newsroom fantasy league, and you're the newspaper's fantasy sports "expert."

So what's gone wrong?

Well for starters, I currently have four players on the DL - not counting Cliff Lee, who just came off.

I've been without Jacoby Ellsbury, one of my five "keepers" entering the season and a starting OF, for a while now. And I just lost Brett Anderson, who was looking pretty good and for whom I had pretty high hopes this year.

I've suffered through some pretty awful - and I mean awful - pitching by Frank Francisco and Octavio Dotel, two of my "closers."

Didn't count on Adam Jones having 6 RBIs at this point either. Or Jason Bay one HR. Or Zack Greinke zero wins. Or Juan Pierre hitting .184, or Derrek Lee .217.

But it's not all bad.

Cliff Lee looked pretty good in his first start back from the DL, and hopefully he'll regain the Cy Young form I bargained for when I rolled the dice on him.

Ryan Zimmerman is going to have a great year if he can put his hamstring troubles behind him.

Hideki Matsui's been a bargain, and Casey McGehee's been a real find.

And Greinke's got to win a game sooner or later.

If he doesn't, I'm bound to stay stuck in last place for the long haul.

At least I'm a nice guy.

Make space for these DHs

Some fantasy players tend to avoid carrying a DH-only player on their roster because it limits their flexibility. If you have one Utility spot, as most leagues do, you can usually fill that with another speedy outfielder or power-hitting corner infielder of your choice.

But this year, there are three guys who currently qualify as DHs only yet demand your attention.

Start with Vladimir Guerrero, acquired by the Texas Rangers this past offseason and freed from the daily punishment on his body as an outfielder in Anaheim. Vlad is off to a stellar start, batting .464 with a homer, three RBIs and a steal - yes, a steal - so far. It's not much of a surprise, given that Guerrerro is a .406 lifetime hitter with a 1.176 career OPS at the Ballpark.

Next up: Hideki Matsui, who also relocated to an AL West team over the winter, signing with the Los Angeles Angels. The 2009 World Series MVP is batting .370 with two homers and five RBIs (including a game-winner) and is already ingratiating himself to his new teammates as a clutch performer. It also appears the Halos are willing to give Godzilla some starts in left field, which means he'll soon regain OF eligibility (he hasn't played there regularly since '08), which makes him even more valuable in fantasy circles.

And finally, David Ortiz, who infamously went off on an expletive-laden rant last week after his 0-for-7 start drew comparisons to last season's slow start from the media. Big Papi is understandibly frustrated after another hideous April (.136, 0 homers), but I have no problem keeping a spot open on my bench who hit a league-high 27 homers after June 5 of last season. Hopefully you weren't counting on big things from him right off the bat and can afford to keep him deactivated until he inevitably hits a hot streak.

A few other DHs of note, Travis Hafner and Pat Burrell, might be worth a look later in the season if they can prove they've still got something left in the tank, but for now they're better left untouched.

The new Yankee Stadium and fantasy stats

Everyone's making a big fuss about all the home runs that have been flying out of the "new" Yankee Stadium over the past weekend. Obviously when a new park witnesses 25 home runs in its first five games (including exhibition), that gets the attention of fantasy owners. Ditto for the 14-run inning the Indians posted in their 22-4 mashing of the Yankees last week.

So what's the deal? Is it the way the park is situated or the shape of the seating areas, creating some weird wind effects? Some media geniuses are already calling the stadium "Coors Field East." Hah, good one. So does that mean we should start changing how we approach our fantasy lineups whenever we've got guys playing in the Bronx, the way we used to with Denver (in the pre-humidor days)?

I'm not sold.

First of all, the sample size is way too small. Obviously the 22-4 game is going to skew the numbers a bit (eight homers in that one). There have also been two games so far at the stadium in which only one homer was hit.

There's another reason for all the longballs, too: Bad pitching. Two of the Indians' homers were surrendered by someone named Anthony Claggett, making his first major league appearance. Two apiece were allowed by Edwar Ramirez and Damaso Marte (2009 ERAs: 8.44 and 21.00). One came off Chien-Ming Wang, and you know how great he's been this year. Two of the Yanks' were served up by Fausto Carmona (groundball to flyball ratio this year: 0.78).

In other words, pitching probably has played the biggest role in all the dingers. Plus, it's only April, so who knows how the winds will change, along with the temperatures and humidity, over the course of the next five months in New York? Even a full season's worth of data might not be enough to really give us a sense of whether Yankee Stadium is homer-friendly. Consider this, as baseball researcher and author David Vincent points out in an article in the Daily News: Washington's Nationals Park averaged 1.85 home runs last year in its inaugural season, and so far this year is averaging 3.5 round-trippers a game. Is it global warming? El Nino? Or perhaps the Nats' awful pitching (team ERA: 5.40)? Or some combination of these, plus a small sample size?

Anyway, I'm not going to rush to pick up Cody Ransom all the sudden and start him in every home game until we get some more information. For now, treat your lineups the way you normally would, and don't overreact. The "old" Yankee Stadium was 14th in the majors in home runs allowed per game last year, pretty much average. Let's see how it stacks up after a full season's worth of games this year before we start to make any big adjustments, OK?

Of course, as I was writing this, three homers were hit at the stadium in the course of an inning and a half, by Kurt Suzuki, Hideki Matsui and Melky Cabrera. So what do I know?